There is no right direction for CFS recovery
As most of you probably know, I have been taking a break from regular blogging lately. I have just not had a whole lot of energy to put forth my thoughts on recovery, when I have been struggling with my own. Lately I have been dealing with some health stuff. I have no idea if its related to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or not. By the end of next week, I should have some answers in that area. I have been avoiding the blog because it forces me to think about whats been happening. Something that I have been trying not to do a whole lot of. But the more I try to not think about it, the more this stuff has been weaseling its way into my mind.
So I am just going to come out and say it. And hopefully this will get it off my mind once and for all. The last few months or so, its become very clear that my recovery with CFS has taken a turn…..a turn for the worse? (quite possibly)….a turn in the right direction??? (who really knows, as progress is not at all linear). But it most certainly has taken on a new direction.
Over the last several weeks, I have been falling a lot. I have had my ears checked out, and while there is a slight infection, there is no reason for me to be doing a face plant several times a week. So at the end of this week, I will be getting a whole bunch of tests done….you know the whole EEG thing and other ones that check out the brain functions. These tests I can not stand. I would much rather have blood drained from me, then hook me up to electrodes, and measure my brain waves, or lack thereof. I have been really nervous about these tests….and stressed to the max. Eventhough, there is no real reason for it…..whatever happens is going to happen. If there is a cure for me, then fantastic, and if there isn’t well…there isn’t and I just go on living my life~just like I have been.
So what happens, if I was able to tweak my thinking……think in a completely different direction? Would I still be stressed about this week???? Would I still end up crying, because I am scared that there is something really wrong….that being the unknown.
What would happen if I just decided to embrace this unknown.
I did that just today. There is this really great trail that starts at the end of my street. Its actually the Trans Canada trail…cool hey…this trail will take you all across Canada. This is a trail I walk every week, and have been walking it for about 2 years. But I ALWAYS walk in the same direction. I always walk east. Today I started on the same route, and for the first time, noticed that the trail splits off, and it heads towards Downtown Vancouver. So I made the decision to take the new route. A route that I have NEVER taken before. One that I knew to be slightly more dangerous, and not nearly as pretty….but I took it just the same. These were my findings. While the trail is different, because it definitely heads towards a more industrial and dirtier part of town, there is beauty to be found everywhere. I walked underneath the bridge, and the sounds were fantastic. I have never liked the noise of traffic, but under a bridge it becomes musical. There was graffiti on the train trestle, and while it didn’t add much to the natural surroundings, it in itself had a quality of lonliness. I felt just as connected going west as I do on my weekly eastern walks.
Which allows me to believe that while I am entering a scarier territory in my own health journey, this doesn’t mean that it can’t be beautiful, or a great experience just because its unknown.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, has given me a lot. Don’t get me wrong its taken its toll on me….but I see things a lot differently than I used to. Possibly, I am being a little Pollyanna-ish, but maybe whatever is going on with me, is going to shake things up a bit. All of us, can take a new route now and again, to see what else is out there….maybe that is exactly what I need to happen.
I.
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POSTED IN: Attitudes About CFS, CFS Awareness, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Fibromyalgia, Management of CFS, Support, Traditional vs Alternative Care
7 opinions for There is no right direction for CFS recovery
Ellen Pendleton
Nov 13, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Greetings ~
I had CFS for three years and recovered using Mickel Therapy. They believe it’s a hypothalamus disorder and teach tools to treat it. No drugs, no diet change. I’m me again and it’s awesome.
kind regards,
~ Ellen
Sabine
Nov 14, 2006 at 10:52 am
Oh dear, that falling business sounds scary. I know how you feel though, that it’s a symptom that is taken seriously, so maybe you’ll get some answers.
Sorry I had to use a fake e-mail address. I just don’t trust “will not be published” anymore after mine was once.
Jennie
Nov 14, 2006 at 11:19 am
I am thinking of you! This is a scary time, but you should come through with more knowledge, and knowledge is power. Just know that there are many of us out here rooting for you, and sending you warm hugs.
laura
Nov 14, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Sabine and Jennie, thank you for your kind words of support, they mean a whole lot to me.
Its good to know that I have such kind friends (eventhough we havent yet met)….I feel better knowing that you guys are out there.
Oh and Sabine, dont worry about the email thing…I totally understand the whole not wanting your email out there….it just makes it easier for you to be caught up on any incoming comments, to see if anything of interest to you, comes up…
but you are of course welcome to come visit and comment here any time…..real or fake email address.
thanks again!!!
Dustin
Nov 21, 2006 at 8:39 pm
God Bless you. I know what you’re going through because I am too. CFS challenges us all in ways we’d never imagined anything could. The philosophical component of your blog is so poignant and moving. Stay strong, rooted in faith, and never lose hope like I know you won’t. You’re in my prayers. - Dustin
laura
Nov 22, 2006 at 5:38 am
Thank you Dustin,
Thats a lovely thing to say. I hope that have as much support surrounding you and your recovery, as I do. The outpouring of support that I have gotten since I started writing this blog has been enormous. Its been incredibly helpful to me, especially during trying times. Come back and visit anytime. There are some really great people who comment quite frequently, and have lots of wise advice.
I suspect that you may be one of them.
Thanks again :)
CFS Squared: Tales of CFS » My Favorite Posts From 2006 -A Belated b5 media Theme Day
Jan 14, 2007 at 4:35 pm
[…] There Is No Right Direction For CFS Recovery Here you will be introduced to my latest symptom, and where I discover that progress is not linear. I mention (yet again) how important it is for me, to walk the trails near my house, and what happened when I discovered a new path, and how it relates to what I am going through at this moment. […]
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